Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
