saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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