I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
