guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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