How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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