you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
