What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
