I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
