I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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