Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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