Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
