John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
