my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize