First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
