He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
