apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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