I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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