my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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