it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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