He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
