I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
