You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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