You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
