Sponge bath it is.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
