there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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