Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
