"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
