We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
