What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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