I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
