I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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