Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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