That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
