Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
