pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
