Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
