She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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