alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
