is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
