peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
