Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am available for nakedness
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
