Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
