she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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