Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She bit a glass in half.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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