i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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