just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
