i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
