Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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