Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
