Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
