I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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