I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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