Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
