I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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