theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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