are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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