you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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