Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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