Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
