A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
