I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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