She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
