Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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