Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am one with the molecules
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would fuck him just for his dog
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
