I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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