So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
