SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
