I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm both gender and math confused
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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