Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
