Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
