I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
