she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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