he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
