my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
