I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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