The maid of honor just puked.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
